What does death and destruction even mean to God? Doesn’t the Bible say that to Jesus, all are alive or as though alive? I know that God uses destruction (like the Holy Temple which is Jesus Christ, and our sufferings) to build us up in Him and to work positively. I know that neither death, nor destruction, can deliver you out of His hand.

I told the angels and saints, that they must keep the Lord’s command and do with us as He wants. I told them not to trust their eyes, ears, or what they think about things, but trust in the Lord’s sovereign plan and in His eternal, unshakable love. Even if the Lord were to command them to throw me into the sun, I would want them to do it. If the Lord were to command them to throw me into outer darkness, I would want them to do it. If the Lord commands I stay, then I must find a way to endure – despite lack of self-will, because I live to serve the purposes of the Will of God, not myself. This requires faith and self-control.

It is hard to see how or in what way everything is affected, but all matters both great and small are ultimately decided by the Lord. Every decision has to pass through the will of God before it can change anything, and even then, the Lord determines the results. This does not mean there is no free-will, rather… God allows our decisions (even bad ones), yet still determines results – seemingly to me almost always. Who can trace out the paths of the Lord? Even the highest angels can’t do it.

God allowed our decision to sin to result in Jesus Christ’s death. Then we can decide to accept this through faith and be saved from the power of sin and death.

It takes great faith to say “I was saved by Christ.” Not “I will be saved” or that “I might be,” yet this is the calling of the faith. It takes greater faith to truly believe it in your heart.

Remember: it’s not about sin, it is about love, and faith in the eternal love of God. This is a key thing to keep in mind throughout life.

Though it is easy to understand the perspective (I have been there), one shouldn’t say “Everything is going wrong. I am in mental anguish and physical pain. The Lord must hate me.” It may seem like that, but these times are a calling to prove to God that we love Him in not only the good times, but also the bad times. Just as God loves us in both good times and bad times. A lot of times, even, these situations are a calling for us to have a closer relationship with Him. You must have faith in His eternal love.

So, saying you have faith, though you might have faith in many different ways, can be summed up in saying: “I trust in the eternal love of God and His Son.”

If you want proof of this love, you need not look any further than the cross – to see the blood of His Son poured out to wash us clean. There was a man who was greater than all of heaven and earth – so powerful in love that the eye can’t see it, nor the ear hear it, nor the human mind comprehend it, that came and died for us to reconcile us to Himself.  This was Jesus Christ.

I started praying this prayer most days: “Hail, Holy Queen” three times, “Our Father” once, “Hail, Holy Queen” three more times, “Our Father” once, “Hail, Holy Queen” three more times, “Our Father” a last time. And then ending it saying “Your will be done Lord.”

If it is helpful, make a list of things that you want to pray about, for others and yourself, and then offer them up in your prayer routine by saying “I am praying with the intentions of all my special requests.”

A lot of times I try to offer each decade of the Rosary with a large special intention just for that decade – be it for souls in purgatory, friends, family, enemies, the Lord, those suffering, the dying, heaven, nonbelievers, etc. I say this to the Lord right after my announcement of the mystery I am praying.

I pray the sorrowful mysteries most often, no matter the day – even if they aren’t supposed to be on that day traditionally, because they are the mysteries I feel closest to in Jesus in these times.

Once you come to a degree of greater knowledge that yourself, you can only be humble about it, because the knowledge itself is a suffering to you.

The mental darkness has been cleared up quite a bit, ever since about a week ago. I felt like I went back over a decade in the clutches of mental darkness for several hours. I have felt better since then. Even though I don’t feel much more “among the living” than before now… there must be more strength in the life-force that is left.

Even if it must be hard-fought, say “Bless the Lord.” Even when the desire isn’t present, act by force of will alone and say “Praise His Name.” Then expect the Lord to move.

I have sat in chains for 32 years, I have sat in the Garden of Gethsemane for 18 years, and I have sat in utter darkness for 3 years.

I have been in a little pain for the past month and a half. I haven’t been able to sit or lay certain ways because of it. It seems to me like this is just a couple year period of pain altogether. Various pains and afflictions. I was yelling for someone to kill me about a year and a half ago because of the pain. I don’t know how Christ endured all that. He accomplished so much suffering in that short time, that it is unbelievably terrifying to consider.

You can’t find joy in anything, until you find something to live for. For me, that was Jesus Christ. I haven’t felt given over to melancholy or deep sadness ever since I started making Him the central focus of my life. There have been sad times, but not the same type as before. There has been more a yearning for Him than melancholy.

I was just thinking, right now I feel stronger both mentally and physically than I have ever been, from my recollection. The darkness and suffering are there, but I feel like it is easy to hold back. Maybe the darkness is just easing for a moment? I don’t know. Best not let my guard down, nor forget the endurance I need to contend with the crushing of it, because it can storm back at any moment.

When I told someone in a manner of speaking, “God allows people to die so that they are delivered from this sinful, evil world,” I was told I should kill myself if I saw it that way so that I could be delivered too. I forgive this utterly. However, I wanted to mention that Christians shouldn’t kill themselves because our lives are not in our hands. Our lives belong to God. If we did, we would look down from heaven and regret it with as much or more sorrow  than the sorrow that led us to kill ourselves (if it were possible to suffer in heaven).

When the darkness is great, and the suffering intense, be sure He is close. He will not let you fail to accomplish His will for you. Nothing can or will deliver you until the Lord’s plans have been accomplished. You don’t need to fear life, death, pain, misery, man, demon or anything because Jesus is in the Seat of Authority over every power that exists. If I saw the Antichrist in his full power, I would tell him with faith “I belong to Jesus. You have no authority over me unless it be given from above.” Then the Lord and His angels would guard me.