An overwhelming peace and calmness of soul – and restfulness – was on me last night. It was as if I was asleep and awake (aware of the peace of sleep) at the same time.

God gave each of us the spirit of a warrior, without fear. When the spirit fights with faith, and without fear, it is successful in everything it does.

Love keeps the whole thing together, and faith sets it in motion… or is it the other way around?

Maybe, before the end, if it be God’s will to grant it, I will accept suffering with more grace.

My memories are so terrible that if I go several hours without praying (even though I know I am not) I feel like I am neglecting my spiritual needs. I have been praying short prayers throughout the day, and especially in the morning – surrendering to the Lord’s will.

Of all the things I detest, I cannot stand gossip. It is a poison to the soul. Though the common nature of the carnal body loves it.

The seasons of spiritual dryness and not feeling His presence are a trial. I must persevere, and if I am not praying, keep Him in my thoughts.

Don’t let distractions win. Don’t let my own feelings of inadequacy pull me away from the cross.

I felt the presence of a powerful holy entity in me. My first thought when I noticed it was “Don’t leave me! Please!” But when I had made that request, the presence dissipated.

Darkness clings to my inner being. But I will sit in darkness (attempt to remain silent) and wait for my salvation.

We are all in a period of waiting. I tell the angels and saints to remain faithful and patient. Trust in Him His holy people. It is not time to give up. I told them to renew their faith daily. I also started to surrender to His will every morning.

A long time ago, I was in the hospital. I went to sleep that night and suddenly I was in the spirit. I came to learn what it is like to do things by pure will. There was a letter in my hand. I “willed” it open – that is to say, my soul opened it with my hands by my will. It happened for the lack of a better term “automatically” in accordance with the fact that I desired to open it. I am still waiting to this day to read it.

When Jesus spoke to me I knew it was God. I recognized Him as being love itself. An overwhelming love. I have never experienced anyone in love that extreme before. He was literal love itself in the form of a man.

I have felt that same love wash over me from head to toe. And I have felt it in my heart for Him, with joy.

The martyrs didn’t overcome by their own strength; they didn’t endure by sheer power or force of will alone. They endured because of the joy in their hearts – the presence of God, which was worth more to them than their mortal bodies. They sought to to be obedient and do His will for them, even if it led to their deaths.

I do not resist human help anymore, even when it might actually not be helping. I listen to the advice of those who have charge over me. I tried to resist for a long time, but I know now that God doesn’t want me to.

I am reasoning that nothing can do me harm unless God allows it. Not deadly poison or injury… nothing….

I was for a while, afraid of suffering and having to survive it. I haven’t been afraid of death in a really long time.

There are trials you can only survive by faith. Hold onto your shield of faith, it is of great worth for protection. A living faith is incredibly powerful – the things it can overturn and overcome. Even the most convincing tales of the enemy falter when meeting a tested faith.

Know that God is good. Your enemy loses power  when you come to know this.

So many things were supposed to hurt me in so many ways. They were supposed to destroy me, yet all they are doing is leading me to where I am supposed to be and actually benefiting me. The outcome is a trial of faith.

I woke up last night at 3AM from a bunch of birds chirping loudly outside. I meant to pray but forgot.

I feel like the grace of Christ is increasing in me, or maybe I am noticing it more often lately. His life is worth losing mine for. It seems like once I notice it though, the feeling hides in my heart again.

Who is worthy? None besides thee – Jesus Christ.

I have felt desolate today, especially earlier. But I must persist in faith. Remember that complaining is not surrendering to His will, it is resistance.

His Spirit purifies us from all unrighteousness. I wish for this gift of purification.

It felt that for three days, Jesus was getting further and further away each day, into a mini-desolate state yesterday. Yet I knew He was still there and I prayed.

Why in times of increased suffering, does He keep hiding? This increases it even more.

I had a dream last night about a certain Saint. Today I realized that it is God’s calling to me – this spiritual direction I have been given. So I must embrace it with my whole heart. I shouldn’t live in fear of being too merciful. I should love always, especially for those most in need of mercy. I should love my enemies.

The greater the need for mercy, the greater the desire should be to show it.

I dwell on His sorrowful passion and it becomes mine to a degree.

Rejoice in suffering. The purification of your soul comes from the emptying of self through suffering and trials. A soul must deny its own will to make way for Jesus.

It is okay to chase after knowledge as long as you don’t leave faith behind. Surround whatever knowledge you find with faith in Christ.

Christ’s passion and suffering are the keys to open heaven for us.

I was told that suffering is a key that can open many doors – even those otherwise impossible to open, but only through Christ.

Jesus would tell me “It isn’t by knowledge that you serve me, it is by faith and love.”

I have benefited from entering many trials before I was prepared for them. In the beginning and throughout. What if God intends something similar for the world. I was reflecting on my desire for the world to be ready for whatever trials came. I have been thinking about it and making this request in prayer for a while. But what if God intends some to be unprepared so that He can lift them higher?

My true hearts desire is to bring glory to God and glorify the name of Jesus Christ in all that I do. My heart longs to glorify His name. I rejoice if I can lift Him up, especially in the lives of others.